To my brothers if you are reading this, thanks for reading and I love you. And I thank you for being my brothers.
Those of you that know me personally, will know I have two younger brothers. One is six years younger than me and the other eight years. Both of them live in England and I’m here in NZ. We don’t talk very often, but I know they are there when I need them and they are great Uncles to Little Miss and Mr Happy. My daughter Little Miss doesn’t have a sister. When I was pregnant with Mr Happy I was torn, I wanted a boy to know that my body could carry one to term and to have another boy that I would be able to raise. But I also told myself Little Miss would be fortunate to have something I don’t, a sister.
I have seen and heard things lately which have made me think about not having a sister. And it triggers a sadness in me, apparently having a sister is one of the best things a female can have, a best friend for life. But what happens if you don’t have one?
When my first brother was brought home I was a very happy six year old. A younger sibling, a baby brother yay! Fast forward two years later and I was told my Mum had delivered another boy. Yay, for another sibling but I also remember, even as an eight year old feeling gutted I didn’t have a baby sister. After all isn’t that what most girls would like? Another girl in the house to play dolls and My Little Pony with. And as we got older, fighting over clothes, shoes, as well as movie and lunch dates.
Some of my friends have been there through the tough and hard times and been there to share in my joy and happiness. I have seen some friends come and go throughout my life but the ones I have now are the best. I have friends who have sisters and I have always thought the bond and relationship they have is something you can’t always have with a friend. With a sister the bond is unbreakable right? You share the same parents or parent, I know the relationship I have with my brothers is different to other relationships I have.
Since I became Mother to our dear Alex in 2011 and then to Little Miss and Mr Happy, I have become more aware of not having a sister in my life. Surely she would of been around when they were born or if not soon after and wouldn’t she keep in regular contact and celebrate her niece and nephews birthdays? I send regular photos to my Mum and I think if I had a sister she would of wanted to see the kids as often as she could. After all isn’t that what Skype and Face time are for? To me family is hugely important and since I don’t have my family here in NZ my friends are my family. Those who are near and far.
I have been honest about my depression and working through it I have come to realise that I have been grieving not having a sister in my life. I have spoken to Mum about it and she seems to understand, it isn’t her or my Dad’s fault it’s just one of those things. How can someone grieve for someone they have never had in the life? I know it’s strange huh? I guess I thought as I got older it wouldn’t bother me as much but strangely it does.
I consider myself to be pretty fortunate I have always had a lot of girl friends. Living here in NZ my friends are extremely important to me, my family is in England so my friends are my family. Despite having an amazing friendship circle here in NZ, in England, and a few in Oz it’s not the same as what I would imagine the relationship between sisters would be like. I’m honestly really, really sad I don’t have a biological sister.
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts, whether you have a sister or not.