Ahhhh the sun is shining again today, and I’m smiling. The fog is definitely clearing, I can now see through it, I can see through the darkness. Each morning this week I have wanted to get out of a bed, its such a nice feeling compared to the past few weeks.
I even ventured out to town at the beginning of the week and did some jobs and a bit of shopping I needed to do. Whilst I was browsing in a shop did see someone I knew. I’ll admit it, I hid. I didn’t want anyone to see me or talk to me. It has been easy for me to put my thoughts and feelings into words but saying them aloud is not always the same. I was quite happy just looking around and wanted to be left alone with my own thoughts. I found it quite a challenge talking to the sales assistants when buying things, but it had to be done. When I got home, I felt relieved, I was home, I had survived and I had done the jobs I needed to do.
I caught up with my GP this week, we had a good chat. I shed a few tears when he brought up a particular issue and we both decided to keep me on the increased dosage of my antidepressants for now. After leaving the Doctor’s I went to visit a friend. She is someone I haven’t spent a lot of time with, but it was just what I needed. Someone else who knew how I had been feeling. That is the one of the big positives I have gotten from my recent experience living with the fog, I have made connections with a few new people via blogs and locally. Being honest and sharing my journey has definitely paid off. Hopefully here’s the start to some new friendships.
As the week has progressed I feel I have become stronger and even enjoyed doing some household tasks. I had plans to cook tea for us one night, but I knew I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to do so. I told my hubby I was feeling overwhelmed and thankfully, he got it. He stepped up and prepared us a meal. He is awesome!
One of the best things about the clearing fog is being able to enjoy Little Miss and Mr Happy again. I feel I have been able to rebuild my relationship with them and just having more patience to listen to Little Miss talk non-stop, makes me smile. As well as seeing what a cool little boy Mr Happy is becoming.
I spent one day this week with Mr Happy at home, we had a good day. I even took him for his first haircut. I had been putting it off, I just didn’t feels ready to cut my baby’s hair. But he isn’t so much a baby anymore, he’s 16 months old. He did really well, he sat on my knee for half an hour. He moved his head every now and again to check out what the hairdresser was doing, but no tears or tantrums, victory! I feel he needed more hair cut off, but after half an hour he had enough. The IPad was very good for distracting him, and of course I took him a treat. I just can’t believe how much hair he still has!
I also successfully took Little Miss and Mr Happy to music group, which was really good since we didn’t make it last week. Little Miss got to see one of her friends and Mr Happy cruised around the whole time. I also find it a bit of break, I get to socialise with other adults, the kids get to play with others and they provide yummy morning tea!
I am returning to work on Sunday morning and I feel ready. My work mates are lovely and supportive so I know I’ll be fine. Plus I know I am feeling brighter because I don’t want to hide away anymore, I want to see people and be me, Stacey.