Antidepressants, oh no she said that word! Yep that’s right, I said it, Antidepressants, (in case you didn’t catch it the first time). I take one daily, well actually I take two, (yep two!) in the morning with my breakfast. If my 3.5 year old asks me what I am taking I just reply ‘Mummy’s happy pills’. I don’t feel a girl of her age needs to be told antidepressant, to me they are my happy pills, they have made me genuinely happier. When my daughter is old enough I will explain to her a little more about them.
I thought I would write a letter to give others a little insight into what it has been like for me, over a year ago that I began taking anitdepressants for PND. I’m a big believer in removing the stigma around PND, I am not ashamed, I am proud to share my story.
Dear Mrs C
We had a love/hate relationship at the beginning, but now I write this letter to you, as a thank you.
I wasn’t very keen to introduce myself to you, I thought I could get better without you. But you have proven to me that I did indeed make the right decision.
At the beginning it was dreadful, I felt worse before I felt better. Was it worth it feeling the way I did? A few of the side effects I felt were nausea, increased anxiety, feeling disconnected to people around me and wanting to hide away from the world. Slowly but surely, over a month I felt better. I wanted to get out of bed in the morning, I wanted to see people and most importantly I wanted to be a mother to my kids and a wife to my husband again. Finally, we were getting along, you were helping me be me.
Yes our first month together was incredibly tough and I nearly told you to kindly F*** off as you weren’t working, but like most things that are tough and haven’t been done before, it will often seem worse before it gets better.
I knew the way I had been secretly feeling for months and months, no one else really knew, even I didn’t know as most days I put on my brave, happy smiley face, BUT anything had to be better than the way I was feeling. Thanks to you Mrs C, you helped me see through the fog that was distorting my vision and weighing down on my shoulders. Your support has given me the much needed clarity to see through that pesky fog and begin to bulid my life again.
We have been in an relationship for just over a year now, I’d hoped to have ended my relationship with you by now, but I’m not quite ready. And you know what, I think that is ok. I will ease out of my relationship with you when I feel ready, I will not be hasty, after all it was not an easy decision to make in the beginning.
So thanks Mrs C, you are pretty awesome!
This is just my opinion on taking antidpressants. I feel my PND is currently managed and I am in control of it. Along with taking an antidepressant I have also sought help from a counsellor, friends and my parents as well as my incredibly patient and loving husband, and my beautiful children.
I have still had some bumps in the road, antidepressants are not a quick fix and not for everyone. I just wanted to share my own personal experience of taking one.
If you or someone you know is struggling please help them to seek help. Having PND or any form of depression is not shameful, please speak up there os plenty of help and support out there.