June

The month of June, I look forward to it but I also dread it. I love it but I also dislike it.

June marks the half way point of the year, and dare I say it, only another six months until Christmas, eek! June is also the beginning of summer in England and the beginning of winter in New Zealand. Living in New Zealand now for just over 12 years I am well adjusted to the seasons here, but June will always be a summer month to me.
I celebrate and remember some pretty special people during this month. The first week of June, it is one of my younger brothers birthday and Little Misses birthday. (I still remember the same brother saying to me shortly before I had Little Miss that I wasn’t too have her on his birthday, as it was his day). Brothers huh?

June 2nd 2011 was the day my beloved Grandpa passed away, he lived for 97 years, pretty good innings huh? And the 3rd June 2011 was the day I delivered our beloved, firstborn baby boy Alex.

This year marked five years since we met him and said goodbye to him. Wow, five years, it’s quite a milestone huh? The build up to the day was harder that the actual day itself, it always is. I had the day planned, I knew how we would celebrate his day and we did.

It is a day to remember him, but of course it is also a day to celebrate. I miss him everyday, and often find my mind wandering at different times of the day, what would he look like, what would he enjoy? What would he have liked for his fifth birthday?

A few days leading up to his birthday I explained to Little Miss that we would be having a family day for Alex’s birthday. Mummy and Daddy would not be going to work and the four of us would have a day of fun. Little Miss decided Chipmunks would be a great idea (indoor soft play venue), followed by cupcakes for afternoon tea and a trip to the cemetery with Nana and Grandad (my Husband’s parents) to do our balloon release.

When I was having this conversation with Little Miss, one evening after dinner, she looked at me and said “But Mummy, Alex is supposed to go to school this year”. With these words I burst into tears. Just hearing these words from my daughter made the event seem more real. I hadn’t felt like crying prior to my chat with her, so the tears caught myself as well as her off guard. I guess with the lead up to the actual day, the tears were a form of release. Little Miss and I shared a hug and I explained to her that Alex couldn’t go to school because he lives with the stars, but he would be watching over her when it will be her and Mr Happy’s turn to venture off to school.

To us Alex is our shining star, we look to the sky at night and we can always see him. Little Miss will always point to one of the brightest stars and says it is Alex. For me and our family I feel it is really important to have a symbol we can look for and see and be able to think of our boy and big brother.

We had a lovely day remembering Alex and celebrating his fifth year. To me as hard as it is, his birthday is a celebration. He existed, he was and still is my first born baby. I think of him everyday, and these days I smile. It wasn’t always easy to smile but know I feel that I can.

Here are some of the photos from our day.

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Mr Happy

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Slide Fun

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Five Yummy Cupcakes

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Beautiful Flowers 3 vases xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Balloon release

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xxx

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Project Doll House: Part Three

Welcome to Part Three of Project Dollhouse.

Little Miss is now four years old, she had her birthday this week. Wow, its crazy how quickly time flies. My husbands parents, along with her aunt and uncle gave her some furniture for the dolls house as a birthday present and lets just say, she was one happy girl.

It was no secret to her that I was working on a dolls house for her birthday, she would often look at it with pride whilst I was working it and never once asked to have it before her actual birthday.

I wanted to share some photos of the finishing touches I did. There are still some things I would like to add to the house, but to me it is work in progress and it is great to see Little Miss enjoying her dolls house.

I mentioned in Project Dollhouse: Part Two that I was going to attempt to make some curtains, well lets just say they didn’t go according to plan. I thought it would be relatively easy to hand sew them, but I was wrong. Luckily, a friend offered to loan me her sewing machine and then she offered to sew them for me. I took her up on the offer, and the curtains look FAB!

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Awesome curtains. They are hanging on a bamboo skewer cut down to size and I used some 3M hooks to hang them up.

The paint featured in the room with the curtains is Sugar and Spice by Resene

I personally think the curtains look great and Little Miss is really pleased with them, I know just need to get something that I can use to pin back the curtains and something that is safe. Little Miss’s brother Mr Happy is 2 and he is also a fan of the house. Any ideas would be appreciated, I’m thinking Bakers Twine would be quite good, but then it could get lost and I’m not sure how Little Miss will get on having to tie them back all the time.

In my last blog post I shared photos of two completed rooms and I did day in this blog post I would share another couple of rooms, here they are:

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Sugar and Spice

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Perfume

I used the colour Perfume in two of the rooms as I thought it broke up the pinlk, plus I loved it!

As you can see on some of my photos, my painting is not the best and my lovely Father even commented that my finishing wasn’t the best. I will agree with him there. I know I’m not the best painter and I don’t pretent to be. At the end of the day I was painting the doll house for Little Miss and I’m sure she isn’t going to criticize my painting skills. So there were quite a few pait marks on the floor, but I didn’t mind as I knew I would be covering it.

At first I thought about putting scarpabook paper onto the floor, I had a few papers that could easiely pass for flooring. I tried them out and didn’t like it. I then thought of carpet, but decided against it as I thought it would be too bulky and I thought the dolls and the furniture wouldn’t sit nicely. Also, I knew Little Miss would get highly frustrated if her doll house accessories would fall over! so, I then thought about felt after someone suggested it.

I don’t have any felt at home so I had to hit the art and craft shops. I immediately thought of black, but when I looked at it I just knew it would be too dark. After looking at the other colours I decided on white. And I reckon it looks perfect. I bought half a metre as it was cheaper and I had enough for the four rooms plus the loft room and I had a little left over. I used superglue to stick it down, after it had dried the ends started to lift so I used double sided tape to stick it down. And now it looks perfect and even looks like real carpet.

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White felt as carpet, before I used double sided tape.

Can you see on the photo that there is also some black and white washi tape covering the edges?! More on that next time.

I think I will save a more on the doll house for a fourth and final post Project Dollhouse: Part Four.

I will leave you with a few photos of some of the interiors, I used some of the cute dollhouse decor from Luluncat

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Planter, Rug, Lego man and Wall hanging from Luluncat

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Table accessories from Luluncat

 

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Me and Mrs C

A little while ago I shared a blog called Dear Mrs C this post was about me using antidepressants to treat my Post Natal Depression (PND). Shortly after I wrote and shared the post, I made an appointment to see my GP to renew my prescription and to discuss reducing my current dose.

I had been thinking for a while about reducing the dose, I felt the time was right. I had been in a good place for several months and I know when I have my low moments that everything will be ok. I was also worried about any withdrawals I could possibly experience due to the decrease in dosage and I wanted to limit them as much as I could.

I still get overwhelmed at times, with parenting, work, being a wife but who doesn’t? I do however feel I am in a much better frame of mind these days, but I still have my ‘bad’ days. You can do it, Stacey I told myself.

When I saw my GP, I explained how I had been feeling and other things I was doing to maintain a healthy balance in my life. I told him how I like to go to work and feel like ‘Stacey’ and not just a ‘Mummy’. And I really enjoy my time with my children,  also I no longer have the overwhelming feelings of wanting to leave my husband and children. Anyone who has experienced this feeling or is feeling like this, it well and truly SUCKS! Feeling like a failure, and wanting to turn your back on your family you are a part of is very lonely, I never want to feel like that again. At the time I never realised how low I got, I think I hid it quite well at times.

My GP was really good and we both agreed that it was a good time to reduce my dose, by half a tablet. I now take 30mg, one and a half tablets once a day in the morning. My GP explained he would like me to continue on this reduced dose for six months before decreasing any further. I thought this was a really good plan, it would prevent any withdrawals and hopefully help me to remain in a good place.

I started writing this blog post at the end of March and now here I am almost at the end of May. I am due another trip to the doctors for a repeat prescription, it has almost been three months since I reduced my antidepressant and I can say it has been going really well. Phew!

It is so good to write about being in a good place, happy, calm (well relatively calm, my hubby tells me I worry too much!) and to feel like I enjoy my life. I love being a Mum and Wife and I hope I am a better friend and person to those people who know me.

I look back on last year and even the year before and I know now that I wasn’t always in the best frame of mind and I wasn’t really living, but existing.

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Me and Mr Happy April 2016

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Enjoying my children, something that had previously seemed so, so hard

 

It is so healing for me to look at these photos of myself with my children and know the smile is ‘real’ and not forced. Although like I said, there are some days when the smile is harder to achieve,but the good days are by far outweighing the bad days.

When I saw this ‘Winning’ tank avaliable through TheHood I just knew ut would be perfect for me. I love their collection of T Shirts and Sweaters which sum up Mum Life.

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Aus$ 34.99

'Winning'

‘Winning’

Thanks for reading and letting me share, take care xxx

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NB: I purchased the ‘Winning’ tank for myself and my opinion is all my own, I love it!

 

 

 

Mothers Day

Sunday May 8th is Mothers Day in New Zealand, Australia (where some amazing Mumma’s live!) as well as several other countries. The day to awknowledge our special Mum’s and thank them for everyone they have done and continue to do for us. This day has always been a day I haven’t forgotten (memory of an elephant over here!) and now I am a Mum myself it is even more significant.

Unfortunately Mothers Day isn’t always a joyous event, it ends up being another day we would rather just forget about.

Mothers Day 2011, I was pregnant with our firstborn, dear Alex. I remember working that day and a few people mentioned to me, that Mothers Day next year would be my first Mothers Day because my baby would be here. Apparently, some people thought being obviously pregnant means you aren’t a Mother yet or deserve a Mothers Day. At the time I didn’t think anything of it, why would I? I would have my baby next year to celebrate being a Mummy with.

Moving on to Mothers Day 2012. I was heavily pregnant with my second baby, (with our soon to be four year old daughter). This Mothers Day officially sucked arse! I was angry and sad my baby wasn’t in my arms. I knew I was a Mother but I thought back to the comments I had the previous year, this WAS supposed to be my ‘first’ Mothers Day. Instead, I was blessed to be pregnancy but also mourning the loss of my boy. I remember my thoughts drifted to “Why me? Why my baby? And would I be able to celebrate Mothers Day next year?”

You are probably wondering what it the point of this blog post? Well, for me I look forward to Mothers Day, as I’m sure most Mothers do, but I also dread it. As my boy’s fifth anniversary looms next month I find myself thinking about him more and more as the day comes closer. And sadly Mothers Day is another reminder that I have three children but only two to wrap my arms around.

Mothers Day can be incredibly difficult for Mothers that have lost children or are yet to have living children and of course those that do not have their mother around to share the day with.

Some women will choose to ignore this day and want to hide away from the world and that is fine, but please remember you are a Mother, this beautiful quote from Franchesca Cox sums up exactly how I and some others Mum’s feel

“A Mother is not defined by the number of children you can see, but by the love she holds in her heart”

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My beautiful ‘Queen Mum’ mug from Sands New Plymouth xxx

 

This is an awesome article by Lexi Behrndt of Scribbles and Crumbs

7 Ways To Remember the Hurting Mothers This Mother’s Day

Please be kind to yourself  on this day if it is particulary hard for you, sending love and hugs dear Mumma.

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Loss: Part Four- Wonderful Mama

This a post I wrote for Emma Stewart of Wonderful Mama in November 2015.

Emma was asking for Women to share stories of Baby Loss.

I was able to share my story of the loss of Alex

  • Feelings at the time
  • Reflection
  • Advice to Others

My hope is that no has to experince the devasting loss of a baby/child. I write about my loss as it is my therapy of working through my grief and if my story was read by another ad helped them than I hope it helps.

Loss: Part Four

Much Love

Stacey xxxx

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Easter Time with Lulu n Cat

Yay it’s almost that time again, Easter!!!! When I was a kid, apart from Christmas and my birthday, Easter was another holiday I looked forward too.

It meant two weeks off school and lots of chocolate! I grew up with two younger brothers and we all did pretty well for Easter.  We were brought up to wait patiently until Easter Sunday before we could open one of our chocolately treats! (My husband tells me as a child, he was allowed to have his chocolate eggs on Good Friday, to me this doesn’t seem right and I insist our kids have to wait until Sunday).

This year Little Miss is three (going on 13), she will be four in June and Mr Happy is two next month. And this will be the first year I will attempt to do an Easter egg hunt for them. I say attempt, cause I can see it being a tad chaotic. I am really conscious about how much chocolate they should eat/be given at their age, so I have been putting some thought into what they can ‘hunt’ for. I found these cool Playdoh Easter eggs, $12 for 10 eggs which I thought was prety good. The kids, are HUGE Playdoh fans so I think these eggs filled with Playdoh will be a big hit.

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I also have two of Lulu n Cat Easter Bunny Jars one in lime green and the other in blush pink. I think the kids will really like these to collect their mini chocolate eggs and Easter stickers in. Plus after the chocolate is gone and the stickers have been stuck everywhere (usually everywhere but paper!) they will get to keep the jar! They will be a great keepsake, plus they can be used each Easter.

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Emma of Lulu n Cat also lives in New Plymouth, last year I did a review of her cool creations.

I would love to know of any Easter traditions anyone would like to share.

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New Beginnings

At Katikati January 2016

Katikati January 2016

 

Eek!!!!!! Ahhhhhhhh!

Have I done the right thing?

What if no one likes me?

What if I don’t like it there?

All these thoughts are floating around and around in my brain today, because tomorrow morning I start my new job! I haven’t just moved wards, I have left one hospital and will be starting work at another one. The more and more I think about waking up tomorrow morning and heading off for my first day at my new place of work. I can feel that unsettled feeling in my tummy!

(For those of you that don’t know me or haven’t read my blog before, I am a Registered Nurse and have been since 2009. In this time I have only worked at one hospital. I did move from one ward to another during my time there). So starting at another hospital is a HUGE deal to me.

When I applied for the job at the end of November last year, I never expected to get the job. After all, I was happy with the job I had, why would I want to change? I have always thought a change is important and when I saw the opportunity come up I knew if I didn’t apply I would only regret it. When I told my hubby I was applying for another job, he simply asked ‘Why’? He knew I liked my job and I love nursing so why was I applying for a new job. I explained that these opportunities don’t come along often, plus if I didn’t get the position it wouldn’t matter because I was still doing a job I enjoyed.

The morning of the interview I was pretty nervous, I hadn’t been to an interview since 2008! I went, it lasted about 45 minutes and then I went home. I left the interview, thinking I did want the job but also prepared myself to not get it, as I wasn’t expecting too.

Less than a week later, I received THE phone call. I missed the call so I had to return the call and expected to hear the “I’m sorry…..” speech, BUT, I was told I had the job! OMG, I wanted to a ‘Happy Dance’ but resisted as I still wanted my future emplyer to think I was professional (which I am of course!). This was the week before Christmas and I wouldn’t be starting until the end of February, so I had to keep a lid on my exciting news……

And now here we are the day before I start. Geez I’m freaked out, what if they realise they have made a mistake hiring me?

Will I like this job as much as I liked my other one?

I’m sure I will be fine and worrying about nothing.

A brief note to my work colleagues I have said goodbye too,

Sorry to those I didn’t get to say goodbye to properly, I hate goodbyes, they turn me in to a blubbering mess (my own doing, moving across the other side of the world from my family and dear friends will do that to you!). I thank each and every one of you for being a great people and making my time working with you so enjoyable, I have learnt so much and made a lot of new friends. Us Nurses Rock!

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